


TALKING HEADS - JODIE'S MONOLOGUE

by POLASTRANKOVAS



Category: jodie comer - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/POLASTRANKOVAS/pseuds/POLASTRANKOVAS
Summary: JODIE COMER'S TALKING HEADS MONOLOGUE. ON BBC IPLAYER FROM 23/06/20
Kudos: 12





	TALKING HEADS - JODIE'S MONOLOGUE

I shot a man last week.  
In the back.

I miss it now,

it was really interesting.

Still, I'm not going to

get depressed about it.

You have to look to the future.

To have something like that

under your belt can be quite useful.

You never know when

you may be called upon

to repeat the experience.  
It wasn't in the line of duty.

I wasn't a police woman or someone

who takes violence in their stride.

It was with a harpoon gun, actually,

but it definitely

wasn't an accident.

My decision to kill was arrived at

only after a visible tussle

with my conscience.

I had to make it plain that,

once I pulled the trigger,

things would never be

the same again.

This was a woman at the crossroads.  
It wasn't Crossroads, of course!

They didn't shoot people

in Crossroads -

at any rate, not with harpoon guns.  
If somebody did get shot,

it would be with a weapon

more suited to the motel ambience.

I have been in Crossroads,

though, actually.

It was in an episode

involving a fork lunch.

At least, they told me

it was a fork lunch.

The script said

it was a finger buffet.

I said to the floor manager, I said,

"Rex, are you on cans?

"Because I'd like some direction

on this point.

"Are we toying,

or are we tucking in?"

He said, "Forget it.

We're losing the food anyway."

I was playing

woman in a musquash coat,

a guest at a wedding reception.

And I was scheduled

just to be in that one episode.

However...

SHE GIGGLES

..in my performance,

I tried to suggest that

I'd taken a fancy to the hotel,

in the hopes that I might catch

the director's eye

and he'd have me stay on

after the fork lunch

for the following episode which

involved a full-blown weekend.

So, I acted an interest

in the soft furnishings,

running my fingers over the Formica,

and admiring the carpet

on the walls.

Only Rex came over to say that

they'd put me in a musquash coat

to suggest that I was

a sophisticated woman.

Could I try and look as if I was

more at home in a three-star motel?

I wasn't at home in that

sort of motel, I can tell you.

I said to the man

I'd been put next to -

who I assumed to be my husband -

I said, "Curtains in orange nylon,

and no place mats.

"There's not even

a veneer of civilisation."

He said, "Don't talk to me

about orange nylon.

"I was on a jury once that sentenced

Richard Attenborough to death."

We've been told to indulge

in simulated cocktail chit-chat,

so, we weren't being unprofessional,

talking.

That is something

I pride myself on, actually.

I'm a professional to my fingertips.

Whatever it is I'm doing,

even if it's just a walk-on,

I must, must, must get involved,

right up to the hilt.

I can't help it.

People who know me tell me

I'm a very serious person,

only, it's funny...  
..I never get to do serious parts.

The parts that I get

often tend to be

fun-loving girls

who take life as it comes,

and aren't afraid of a good time

should the opportunity arise

type thing.  
I'd call them vivacious,

if that didn't carry overtones

of the outdoor life.

In a nutshell,

I play the kind of girl

who's very much at home

on a bar stool

and seldom has to light

her own cigarette.

That couldn't be further from me

because, for a start,

I'm not a smoker.

I could, if the part required it.  
I'm a professional,

and you have to have as many strings

to your bow as you can in this game.

Having said that...

WHISPERS:

..I'm not a natural smoker.

SHE CHUCKLES

What's more, I surprise my friends

by not being

much of a partygoer either.

I'd rather curl up with a book,

quite frankly.

However, this particular party,

I made an exception.

The thing was, I've met

this ex-graphic designer

who is quitting the rat race

and going off to Zimbabwe,

and he was having

a little farewell do

in the flat of an air hostess friend

of his in Mitcham. Would I go?

I thought, "Well,

"it's not every day you get

somebody going off to Zimbabwe."

So, I said, "Yes."  
And I'm glad I did.

Because that's how

I got the audition.

Now, my hobby is people.  
I collect people.

So, when I saw this

interesting-looking man

in the corner, the next thing is

I find myself talking to him.

I said, "You look like

an interesting person.

"I'm interested in

interesting people. Hello."

He said, "Hello."  
I said, "What do you do?"  
He said, "I'm in film."  
I said, "Ooh, that's interesting!  
"Anything in the pipeline?"  
He said, "As a matter of fact, yes."

And he goes on to tell me

about this project he's involved in

making videos for

the overseas market,

targeted chiefly on West Germany.  
I said, "Are you the producer?"

He said, "No, but

I'm on the production side.

"The name's Spud."

I said, "Spud - that's

an interesting name.

"Mine's Lesley."  
He said, "As it happens, Lesley,

"we've got a bit of

a problem at the moment.

"Our main girl's had to drop out

because her back's packed in.

"Are you an actress?"

I said, "Well, Spud,

it's interesting you should ask

"because,

as a matter of fact, I am."

He said, "Will you excuse me

one moment, Lesley?"

I said, "Why, Spud,

where are you going?"

He said, "I'm going to go away,

Lesley...

"..and make one phone call."

It transpires the director

is seeing possible replacements

the very next day,

at an address in West London.

Spud said, "It's interesting

because I'm based in Ealing."

I said, "Isn't that West London?"

He said, "It is.

Where's you're stamping ground?"

I said, "Bromley, for my sins."

He said, "That's a far-ish cry.

Why not bed down at my place?"

And I said, "Thank you, kind sir."

But I didn't fall off

the Christmas tree yesterday.

He said, "Lesley...

"..I've got a son

studying hotel management

"and a daughter with one kidney.

"Besides, my sister-in-law's

staying over.

"She's come up for

the Ideal Home Exhibition."

The penny began to drop

when I saw the tattoo.

My experience of tattoos is

that they're generally confined

to the lower echelons.  
And, when I saw the vest...  
SHE SCOFFS

..it had electrician

written all over it.

I never even seen the sister-in-law.

Still traipsing around Olympia,

probably.

I know a thing about personality.

There's a chapter about it

in this book I'm reading,

it's by an American.

They're the experts

where personality is concerned.

The Americans, they've got it

down to a fine art.

It makes a big thing of interviews,

so I was able to test it out.

The director's not very old.

Blue suit, tie loose,

sleeves turned back.

I put him down as

a university type.

Says his name was Simon - which

I instantly committed to memory.

That's one of the points in the

book. "Purpose and use of name".

He said, "Forgive this crazy time."  
I said, "I'm sorry, Simon?"  
He said, "Like 9.30 in the morning."  
I said, "Simon!

"The day begins when the day begins.

You're the director."

He said, "Yes. Well, can you tell me

what you've done?"

I said, "Where you may have seen me,

Simon,

"is Tess, Roman Polanski.  
"I played Chloe."

"I don't remember her," he said,

"is she in the book?"

I said, "Book?

"Simon, this is Tess,

Roman Polanski.

"Chloe was on the back of

the farm cart wearing the shawl.

"The shawl was original 19th-century

embroidery, all hand-done.

"Do you know Roman, Simon?"  
He said, "Not personally, no."

I said, "Physically,

he's quite small.

"But we had a very good working

relationship, very open."

He said that was good because

Travis in the film was very open.

I said, "Travis?  
"That's an interesting name."

He said, "Yes.

She's an interesting character.

"She spends most of the film

on the deck of a yacht."

I said, "Yacht?  
"That's interesting, Simon.

"My brother-in-law has a small

powerboat berthed at Ipswich."

He said, "Well! Snap!"  
I said, "Yes! It's a small world!"  
He said, "In an ideal world, Lesley,

"I'd be happy to sit

chatting all day,

"but I have a very tight schedule.

"And, although it's only 9.30

in the morning,

"can I see you in

your bra and panties?"

I said, "9.30 in the morning,

10.30 at night,

"we're both professionals, Simon.  
"But," I said...

.."can we put another bar

on because, if we don't,

"you won't be able to tell my tits

from goose pimples."

He had to smile.

That was another of the sections

in the book.

"Humour - usefulness of

in breaking the ice".

When I got my things off, he said,

"Well, you've passed the physical.

"Now, the oral. Do you play chess?"  
I said, "Chess, Simon?  
"Do you mean the musical?"  
He said, "No, the game."

I said, "As a matter of fact, Simon,

I don't.

"Is that a problem?"  
He said, "Not if you water-ski.

"Travis is fundamentally

an outdoor girl, but we thought

"it might be fun to make her

an intellectual on the side."

I said, "Well, Simon, I am happy to

learn both chess and water-skiing,

"but could I make a suggestion?

"Reading generally indicates

a studious temperament,

"and I'm a very convincing reader,"

I said,

"because it's something

I frequently do in real life."

I could tell he was impressed,

and so, I said,

"Another thought, Simon, would be

to kit Travis out in glasses.

"Spectacles, Simon,

these days, they are not unbecoming

"and, if you put Travis

in spectacles

"with something in paperback,

that says it all."

He said, "You've been most helpful."

I said, "The paperback could be

something about the environment

"or, if you want to maintain

the water-skiing theme,

"something about water-skiing

and the environment. I mean...

"..Lake Windermere."

He was showing me out

by this point, but I said,

"One last thought, Simon,

and that is a briefcase.

"Put Travis in a bikini

and give her a briefcase

"and you've got the best of

every possible world."

He said, "You've been most helpful.

You've given me a lot of ideas."

I said, "Goodbye, Simon.  
"I hope we can work together."

The drill for saying goodbye

is you take the person's hand,

you put your hand over theirs,

you clasp it warmly while, at the

same time, looking into their eyes,

smiling,

and reiterating their name.

Lodges you in their mind,

apparently.

So I did all of that, only, going

downstairs, I had another thought

and I popped back.

He was on the phone.

"You won't believe this,"

he was saying.

I said, "Don't hang up, Simon,

only, I just wanted to make it

"crystal clear that

when I said briefcase,

"I didn't mean one of

the old-fashioned type ones.

"There are new briefcases now

"that open up and

turn into a mini writing desk.

"Being an up-to-the-minute girl,

"that would probably be the type

of briefcase Travis would have.

"She could be sitting there

in a wet bikini

"with a briefcase open on her knee.

"I've never seen that on screen,

so, it would be some kind of first.

"Ciao, Simon.  
"Take care."  
That was last Friday.

The book's got charts where you

can check your interview score.

Mine was 75.  
Very good to excellent.

Actually, I'm surprised

they haven't telephoned.

You'd never think

this frock wasn't made for me.

I said to Scott, who's wardrobe,

"She must be my double."

He said, "No, you're hers,

the stupid cow."

Talk about last-minute, though.

11 o'clock on Tuesday night,

I'm just wandering about

having a runaround

with the dustette.

Six o'clock the next morning,

I'm sitting in Lee-on-Solent

in make-up.

When the phone went

telling me I'd got the part,

I assumed it was Simon,

so, I said, "Hello, Simon."

He said, "Try Nigel."  
I said, "Well, Nigel,

"can you tell Simon I've not

let the grass grow under my feet,

"and I'll play

a rudimentary game of chess."

He said, "I don't care if you play

a championship game of ice hockey,

"just don't get pregnant."

It transpires

the girl slated to do the part

was living with a racing driver.

Of course, the inevitable happened -

kiddie on the way.

So, my name was next out of the hat.  
I said to Scott, "I know why.

"They knew I had ideas

about the part."

He said, "They knew

you had a 38-inch bust."

His mother's confined

to a wheelchair at the moment,

he's got a lot on his plate.  
Anyway, I'm ready.

I've been ready

since yesterday morning.

It was long enough

before anybody came near.

I had a bacon sandwich

which Scott went and fetched for me

while I was under the dryer.  
I said, "Wasn't there a croissant?"  
He said, "In Lee-on-Solent?"  
On Tess, there were croissants.  
On Tess, there was filtered coffee  
And there was some liaison.

I just wanted to talk to somebody

about the part,

but Scott said

they were out in the speedboat

shooting mute shots

of the coastline.

On Tess, you were

never waiting around.

Roman anticipated every eventuality.

We filmed in the middle

of a forest once

and the toilet arrangements

were immaculate.

And there was provision

for a calorie-controlled diet.

I said to Scott,

"I'm not used to working like this.

He said, "Let's face it, dear,

you're not used to working.

"Why didn't you

bring your knitting?"

I said, "I do not knit, Scott."

He said, "Well, file your nails,

then, pluck an eyebrow.

"Be like me.

Do something constructive."

He's as thin as a rail and,

apparently, an accomplished pianist.

And he seems to be make-up

as well as wardrobe.

On Tess, we had three caravans

for make-up alone.

Eventually, Simon puts his head

around the door.

I said, "Hello, Simon.

Long time, no see.

"Did Nigel tell you I play chess?"

He said, "Chess? "Aren't you

the one who can water-ski?"

I said, "No."  
He said, "Bugger," and disappeared.

I said to Scott, "Simon's

a bit young for a director."

He said, "Director? He couldn't

direct you to the end of the street,

"he just does

all the running about."

I said, "Who is the director?"  
He said, "Gunther."

I said, "Gunther.

That sounds a continental name."

He said, "Yes, German."  
I said, "That's interesting.

"I went to Germany once.

Dusseldorf."

He said, "Well, you'll have

a lot to talk about."

I'm still sitting there hours later  
when another young fellow comes in.  
I said, "Gunther?"  
He said, "Nigel."  
I said, "We spoke on the phone."

He said, "Yes, I am about

to commit suicide.

"I've just been told

you don't water-ski."

I said, "Nigel, I can learn.

"I picked up the skateboard

in five minutes."

He said, "Precious,

five minutes is what we do not have.

"You don't, by any chance,

have fluent French?"

I said, "No, why?"

He said, "They wondered about

making her French."

I said, "Nigel, how can she be

French when she's called Travis?

"Travis isn't a French name."  
He said, "The name isn't important."

I said, "It is to me.

It's all I've got to build on."

He said, "I'll get back to you."  
I said, "Nigel, I don't have French

"but what I do have is a smattering

of Spanish, the legacy of

"several non-package-type holidays

on the Costa del Sol.

"Could Travis be half-Spanish?"  
He said to Scott,

"We wanted someone with

fluent French who could water-ski,

"and what have we got?

"Someone with pidgin Spanish

who plays chess."

Scott said, "Don't look at me,

"I started off

as a landscape gardener."

I'm still waiting to be used

in the afternoon

which is when

they did the water-skiing.

A girl from the local sub-aqua

did it.

She works part-time

with the quayside restaurant

where they all had supper

last night, apparently.

I saw her when she came in

for make-up.

Pleasant enough,

but didn't look a bit like me.

I'm quite petite, only,

she was on the large side

and, whereas my hair is blonde,

hers was definitely ginger.

I didn't say anything at the time

but I thought,

if she's supposed to be me, they'll

be into big continuity problems.

So, I thought I'd go in quest

of the director and tell him.

There was nobody about on the yacht,  
just a man dusting the camera.

He said not to worry,

the shot was POV water-ski,

and we'd only be seeing her elbow.  
I said, "Will that work?"

He said, "Oh, yes, you know,

cinema, the magic of."

"Mind you," he said,

"if it was up to him personally,

"he'd rather see my elbow

than hers any day."

His name was Terry. What was mine?

I said, "It's a relief

to find someone civil."

He said, "It's the same story,

Lesley,

"art comes in the door,

and manners go out the window.

"Why is making a film like

being a mushroom?"

I said, "Why, Terry?"

He said, "They keep you in the dark

and, every now and then,

"someone comes and throws

a bucket of shit over you!"

He laughed.  
I said, "That's interesting, Terry.

"Only they don't grow mushrooms

like that any more,

"it's all industrialised."

He said, "You sound

like a cultured person.

"How's about we spend the evening

"exploring the delights

of Lee-on-Solent?"

His room's nicer than mine.  
His bathroom has a hairdryer.  
WAVES BREAK, GULLS CALL  
Please don't get me wrong.

I have no objection to

taking my top off.

Only Travis, as I was playing her,

wasn't the kind of girl

who WOULD take her top off.

I said to Nigel,

"I'm a professional, Nigel.

"Credit me with a little experience.  
"It isn't Travis!"

I've been sat on the deck

of the yacht all day as background,

while these two older men

had what I presumed

was a business discussion.

One of them, who was covered in hair

and had a real weight problem,

was MY boyfriend, apparently.

You knew he was my boyfriend

because, at an earlier juncture,

you'd seen him hit me

across the face.

Travis was supposed to be

a good-time girl,

though you never actually see me

have a good time.

Just sat on this freezing cold deck

plastering on the suntan lotion.

I said to Nigel, "I don't know

whether the cameraman spotted it,

"Nigel, but would I be sunbathing?  
"There's no sun."  
He said, "No sun is favourite."

Nigel is first assistant,

here, there and everywhere.

Gunther never speaks.

Not to me, anyway.

Just stands behind his camera

with his little cap on.

Not a patch on Roman.  
Roman had a smile for everybody.

Anyway, I'm sitting there,

as background,

and I say to Nigel, "Nigel, am

I right in thinking I'm a denizen

"of the cocktail belt?"  
He said, "Why?" a bit guardedly.

I said, "Because to me, Nigel,

that implies a cigarette holder,"

and I produce quite a small one

I'd happened to have brought

with me.

He goes and speaks to Gunther,

only Gunther rules

there's to be no smoking.

I said, "On the grounds of health?"

He said, "No, on the grounds

of it making continuity a bugger."

I'd also brought

a paperback with me,

just to make it easy for props...  
..which happened to be Scott again.

Only I'd hardly got it open

when Nigel relieved me of it.

Said they were going with

the suntan lotion.

I said, "Nigel...

"..I do not think

the two are incompatible.

"I can apply suntan lotion

and read at the same time.

"That is what professionalism

means."

He checks with Gunther again

and he comes back,

says, "Forget the books.

Suntan lotion is favourite."

I said, "Can I ask you something

else?" He said, "Go on."

I said, "What's my boyfriend

talking about?"

He said, "Business."  
I said, "Nigel...

"..am I right in thinking

it's a drugs deal?"

He said, "Does it matter?"

I said, "It matters to me.

"It matters to Travis.

It helps my character."

He said, "What would help

your character...

WHISPERS: "..is if you took

your bikini top off."

I said, "Nigel...  
"..would Travis do that?  
"Hm?  
"We know she plays chess.

"She also reads. Is Travis

the type to go topless?"

He said, "Listen, who do you think

you're playing? Emily Bronte?

"Gunther wants to see

your knockers."

I didn't even look at him.

I just took my bikini top off

without a word

and applied suntan lotion with

all the contempt I could muster.

We did the shot.  
Nigel said, "Gunther liked that,"

and if I could give him

a whisker more sensuality,

it might be worth a close-up.  
So we did it again.

Nigel said Gunther liked

what I was giving him

and, in this next shot, could

I take off my bikini bottom?

I said, "Nigel, trust me.

Travis wouldn't do that."

He talks to Gunther, comes back...  
..says Gunther agrees with me.  
The real Travis wouldn't.  
But...

..by displaying herself naked

before her boyfriend's

business associate,

she is showing her contempt

for his whole way of life.  
I said, "Nigel...

"..at last, Gunther is giving me

something I can relate to."

He said, "Right, let's shoot!  
WHISPERS: "Elbow the bikini bottom."  
We wrapped about six.  
That's film parlance for packed up.

I said to Nigel, "Did I give Gunther

what he wanted? Is he happy?"

He said, "Lesley, Gunther's

an artist. He's never happy.

"But as he said this afternoon,

'At last, we're cooking with gas.'"

I said, "Is that good?"  
He said, "Yes."  
I said, "Oh...  
"..because I prefer electricity."

When I got back to the hotel,

it took me some time to unwind.

I'd become so identified with Travis

that it wasn't until I'd had a bath

and freshened up that I felt her

loosening her hold on me.

I was looking forward to relaxing

with the crew,

swapping anecdotes of the day's

shooting, in the knowledge of

a day's work well done.

Only when I got downstairs,

nobody was about.

Just Scott and one of the drivers.

The rest of them had gone off

for supper at the restaurant

run by the fat girl who did

the water-skiing.

I sat at the bar for a bit.  
Just one fellow in there.

I said, "My hobby is people.

What do you do?"

Lo and behold,

he's on the film too.

Kenny, the animal handler,

in charge of the cat.

I said, "That's interesting, Kenny.

"I didn't know there was

going to be a cat.

"I love cats. I love dogs.  
"But I love cats."

He said, "Would you like to see her?

She's asleep on my bed."

I said, "That's convenient."

He said, "Lesley...

"..don't run away with that idea.  
"I am wedded to my small charges."

So, I go up and I pal on

with the cat a bit

and he tells me about

all the animals he's handled -

a zebra once, a seal,

an alligator,

and umpteen ferrets.

There's a trout there, too,

in the tank.

It's going to be caught

in the film later on. Quite small.

Only they were going to shoot it in

close up, so it would look bigger.

I sat there and I listened to him

talk about animal behaviour.

I said, "Kenny, this is the kind

of evening I like,

"two people just...

"..talking about

something interesting."

I woke up in the night

and I couldn't remember where I was.

And then I saw the cat...  
..sitting there...  
..watching the trout.

When you've finished a shot on

a film, you have to wait and see

whether there's a what they call

"a hair in the gate".

That's film parlance

for the all clear.

Thank God there wasn't, because

I couldn't have done it again.

I'd created Travis...

..and though it was her lover

that got shot...

..I felt as though it was

the something in me that was Travis

that had died.

My lover's name turned out

to be Alfredo.

That was my big line, "Alfredo."

He was the head of some

sort of crime syndicate,

although everybody in

the yachting fraternity

thought he was very respectable and

to do with the building trade.

One evening, while Alfredo and me

were ashore at a building federation

dinner and dance, this young

undercover policeman

swims out to the yacht to search it

in his underpants.

However, as luck would have it,

Travis has a headache,

so her and Alfredo return

from this ultra-respectable function

with Alfredo in a towering rage.  
Originally, I was down to say,

"I can't help it, Alfredo.

I have a headache."

We tried it once, or twice,

but Gunther thought it would be

more convincing if my headache

was so bad

that I couldn't actually speak.

And Alfredo would just say,

"You and your headaches."

I said, "If it's a migraine,

rather than a headache,

"Travis probably wouldn't be able

to speak."

Gunther said, "Whatever you say."  
It's wonderful...

..that moment when you feel

a director first begin to trust you

and you can really start to build.

Anyway, Travis and Alfredo come into

the cabin where they find

the young policeman behind the sofa

in his underpants,

and Alfredo takes out his gun

and says,

"How lucky lovely Travis had

a headache and we had to leave

"our glittering reception.

"I was cross with her, then.

But now my mood has changed.

"Offer the gentleman

a drink, Travis.

"Then go and take your clothes off.

"There's nothing I like better

than making love

"after killing a policeman."  
SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY  
I then retire to the next cabin

while Alfredo taunts

this bare young policeman

and says he's going to kill him.  
Only, before doing so,

he tells him about

his drug-smuggling operation

in every detail - the way criminals

tend to do the minute they get

somebody at gunpoint.

When Travis returns

with no clothes on,

the young policeman is talking

about the evil drugs do,

all the young lives ruined,

and so on.

Only I forgot to say there'd been

some dialogue earlier,

when I was supposed to be

snorkelling,

about how Travis had

a little brother...

..Craig...

..and how he'd got hooked on drugs

and how I was devastated

and determined to revenge

myself on the culprits,

should I ever come across them.

So when you hear the policeman talk

about the horror of drugs...

..you see it comes as a revelation

to Travis

that her lover is involved

in drugs.

She thought it was

just ordinary crime,

stealing electrical goods.

Anyway...very quietly,

"Almost pensively,"

Gunther said, Travis takes out

an underwater spear gun

that just happens

to be on the sideboard.

Nigel came over and said, "Ideally,

at this point, Gunther would like

"to see a range of emotions chase

themselves across Travis' face,

"as her affections for her lover,

Alfredo,

"fights with the demands

of her conscience

"and the memories

of her little brother, Craig."

You see my lover's fat finger

tighten over the trigger as he goes

to shoot the policeman.

Only, just then,

I say his name very quietly.

WHISPERS: "Alfredo."  
He spins around.

Travis fires the harpoon gun

and you see the spear come

out of his back, killing him,

and also ruining his dinner jacket.

They followed that up with a big

close-up, blood and everything.

And there's me...

..with a single tear

rolling down my cheek.

We did that in one take,

which Nigel said was almost unique

in the annals of filming.

Only Scott had to chip in

and say, "Good job, as having

"one dinner jacket

was fairly unique as well."

I couldn't have done it again.

I had nothing left.

Except suddenly, I had a flash

of inspiration, the way you do

when you've been to the ends

of the Earth and back.

I said to Nigel, "Nigel,

don't you think that Travis,

"drained of all emotion by the death

of her lover, would cling on

"to the policeman whose life

she's just saved and they would

"celebrate this deliverance

"by having sexual intercourse

there and then?"

Big debate.  
Gunther really liked it,

only the actor playing the policeman

wasn't keen.

I think he might have been gay.  
WHISPERS: He had a moustache.

Eventually, Nigel came over

and said that,

"Favourite was for the policeman

to look as if he was considering

"having sexual intercourse

"and for him to run his hands

speculatively

"over Travis' private parts.  
"Only then pity drives out lust

"and instead he covers up

her nakedness

"with an Oriental-type

dressing gown,

"the property of her dead lover."

Though even at this late stage,

you can tell he's not ruled out

the possibility because,

as he's fastening up

the dressing gown, his fingers

linger over Travis's nipples.

Afterwards, Gunther explained

that if there had been

any proper funny business

at this point,

it would have detracted

from the final scene,

when, after all excitement,

the policeman goes home

to his regular girlfriend,

who cooks him a hot snack

and who's a librarian.

Then the final scene's of them

making love...

..the message being that sexual

intercourse is better

with someone you're in love with,

than with someone like Travis,

who's just after a good time.

As Gunther said to me

that evening,

"It's a very moral film.

"Only the tragedy is,

people won't see it."

I said to him, I said,

"That's interesting...

"..because I saw it that way

right from the start."

When we were in bed, I said,

"If only we could have done

this before."

He said, "Lesley...

"..I make it a rule never

to lay a finger on an actress

until the whole thing's in the can."  
I said, "Gunther...

"..there's no need to explain.

We're both professionals."

"But, Gunther," I said,  
"can I ask you one question?  
"Was I Travis?

"Were you pleased with

my performance?"

He said, "Listen...

"..if someone's a bad actress,

I can't sleep with her,

"so don't ask me if I was pleased

with your performance.

"This is the proof."  
Hm.  
He's a real artist, is Gunther.

When I woke up in the morning,

he'd gone.

I wandered down for some coffee,

only there was no-one

from the unit about.

I wanted to say goodbye

to everybody,

but they were off shooting

establishing shots of the marina.

Anyway...

..I bought a card with

a sinking ship on it and put,

"Goodbye, gang.

See you at the premiere!"

and left it at the desk.

As I was leaving with my bag,

Scott was loading the laundry.

I said, "Ciao, Scott!

"It's been a pleasure

working with you."

He said, "You win some,

you lose some."

I said, "Back to real life."  
He said, "Some of us never left it."

The film's coming out in Germany,

initially,

and Turkey, possibly.

Gunther says it shall make me

quite famous.

Well...

..I suppose I shall

have to live with that.

Only, I'm not just going to sit

here and wait for the phone

to ring. No fear.  
I'm going to acquire a new skill.  
Spoken Italian.  
Selling valuable oil paintings.  
Canoeing.

You see, the more you have to offer

as a person,

the better you are as an actress.  
Acting is really just giving.


End file.
